A Day In the Life of a Yarrbear

The Evemail icon on my neocom flashed, and I eagerly opened my Evemail to see what I had received. I don’t know how others feel about it, but any flash on any icon in my neocom gets me excited. For example, every time my wallet flashes, I excitedly open it, dreaming of seeing a billion ISK inheritance from some uncle-I-never-knew. Of course, it has never happened yet. But, hey, it doesn’t hurt to be optimistic. Anyways, enough of that tangent. Back to the Evemail. It turned out to be a humorous letter from one of my corp’s directors:

September fifth, twenty-three thirty, bring a ship and we shall meet.
No promises, but we’ll have some fun and form a fleet.

Shall we gather at Mani? Make some ISK, PVE?
Or at Ohide we could try PVP.

From Lower Debyl, w-space can give our wallet padding.
Zero-zero Providence we could mine or do some ratting.

Whatever we do you can bet there’ll be a fight.
Corp mail what you want, and we’ll have a good night.

-Kelkyen

On the fateful day, we decided to roam Minmatar lowsec, separating ships from pods and collecting many tears in the process (note how I never specified whose ships would be popped and whose tears shed). So a small group of us gathered in throwaway PVP ships. Being the yarrbear among carebears and having amazing 0’s at the beginning of my name that automatically place me at the top of everyone’s local lists, I was appointed as FC till death do us part.

Deciding that Amamake and its suburbs were too busy, we set off in a new direction. Soon we were traipsing through lands we had never traipsed through before. But we didn’t fear, as we all held to the axiom, “To boldly go where no carebear has gone before.” After ten or so jumps, I checked my map again, when lo and behold, I saw that we were 2 jumps from…Evati. The armpit of Minmatar lowsec, the hideout of hellcats, bastards, helltards, bastcats, and innumerable other vile -10.0 species. I blessed and cursed my luck as we entered the system, seeing many potential targets but also many pirates. The Hellcats Pub suddenly looked a bit more intimidated. Nonetheless, my small group of a Punisher, Punisher, Rifter, Merlin, and Vexor (the misfit) knew that the only thing to fear was fear itself. So we kept fearing fear and diffused throughout the system looking for someone to pewpew.

We soon found someone with a name so long and difficult that I won’t even bother spelling. The pirate-with-a-long-name was in a Merlin, attacking what seemed to be a ratter (apparently carebears HAD come here before). Experiencing deja vu, I realized that this was the Butterfly Effect all over again. The opportunity to be in a grand 0.0 fleet and be featured in a CCP video was too powerful to resist, so I attacked the pirate-with-a-long-name, who popped before most of my corp mates had even arrived. I scrambled the pod, and was about to convo the pilot, thanking them for giving me the opportunity to be in a CCP promo. But then I saw his corp. No, HER corp. The Hellcats. My eyes went like this: O_O Except with size 144 font.

Some of my corp mates, in a fit of righteous carebear anger (who said carebears weren’t bloodthirsty?), had started shooting the pod, but I stopped them. “Let the pod go”, I called to my fleet mates as I deactivated my scrambler and web. The pod pilot, plucked from the brink of death, happily dashed away, saying “GF” (girlfriend? :P) in local.

Then I spotted Mynxee in local, and convoed her, asking if she wanted a gang vs gang fight. She politely turned down the offer, as pirates did not engage in civilized fights like that.

As we loitered in space, looking for more targets, local started increasing…and increasing…and increasing. Tech 2 ships started appearing on directional, as well as combat probes. I even saw a Lachesis I had attempted to tackle in an earlier system. My fleet’s pilots enthusiastically prepared for the end, the final glorious suicidal battle against T2 ships that outnumbered us.

[ 2009.09.06 01:24:26 ] 00sage00 > want to suicide engage? :D
[ 2009.09.06 01:24:33 ] Warik Spheriflex > not really lol

Well, not ALL of us were that enthusiastic.

A mere minute later, the battle began. I warped into the fight, and saw a sea of red. Even Chuck Norris would have been scared.

We pewed them, they pewed us, and all of my fleet died. The glorious end had been taken from us. I woke up in a fresh clone and pieced together what had happened.

Here are the battle stats: Battle Stats. Except that Angelismagik and Romping Lion (the ratter I had tried to save earlier) weren’t with us. And ICETOBE, as far as I know, wasn’t there either. So in the end, it was:

Lachesis, Caracal, Rupture, Wolf, Enyo, Ishkur, Catalyst, Atron and three NPCs (I guess they hate us because we kill them a lot) vs Vexor, Punisher, Punisher, Rifter.

You can see Mynxee’s side of the story here.

We learned a lot from the roam, but one of the most obvious mistakes we made was not focusing fire. Apparently some of my mates didn’t see my calls for primary. If even one other person had also focused on the Wolf that was primary, it wouldn’t be at 29% structure, it’d be space dust. Oh well. :\

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    • Jason
    • September 7th, 2009

    shooting the primary is important…

  1. Yup focused fire is mighty important :) I was convinced I was gonna lose that Wolf and was damn surprised I didn’t. :) You guys brought a good fight and a good attitude, and we appreciate that kind of spirit!

    Also, this blog post was very humorous! Made me smile…esp this line: “My eyes went like this: O_O Except with size 144 font.” LOLS!

  2. Very entertaining tale! Very inspiring to see fellow carebears braving lowsec. Only one error, however: Chuck Norris is scared of nothing.

      • Jason
      • September 9th, 2009

      He just called you a carebear, them are fighting words…

    • Lupus Albus
    • September 15th, 2009

    Very nice, I probably wouldn’t have had the balls to engage that gang.

    Though I did lol a bit when I saw the gyro on a blaster-fit merlin.

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